


The Cigarette

by prettyboyjm



Category: bts
Genre: Depression, Hospitals, Other, Smoking, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:02:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27107665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyboyjm/pseuds/prettyboyjm
Summary: A story about Namjoons suicide attempt.written 2 years ago so the writing can be off.





	The Cigarette

**Author's Note:**

> I havent written or added to this since September 2018 so the writing isn’t the best. if you’re interested in more net me know!

Namjoon looks up at the sky. He sees the moon shine brighter then usual. The crates are showing and there’s no cloud near it. Just like him. He sits alone on the roof. His imperfections showing as he traces the cuts on his wrist. He counts every single one of them. He grabs his phone and scrolls through the comments on his secret twitter page. It’s all about the other members and none about him. He looks up his name to see if people tweeted about him. There’s more hate than love. People calling him out for things he did years ago. Things he said that he can’t take back. He throws his phone off the roof and grabs the razor he had in his pocket. One cut, two cuts, three.. the blood is pouring out and the thoughts only get louder. “What if I just jumped” he thinks “no one would miss me” he whispers and gets up. He walks to the edge of the roof and looks down. Happy memories of the members having fun without him flows through his mind as the tears fall down his cheek. He takes a deep breath and jumps. Memories of him being happy while performing flow through his mind. Memories of him writing songs with the other members. “I don’t want this” he says and hits the ground. He can hear yoongi gasping as he looses consciousness. 

Namjoon opens his eyes after what feels like seconds after the fall. “He’s awake! HES ALIVE!!!” He hears Jin say. He feels someone grabbing his hand. “Why..” Jimin asks with a sad voice. “I fell” namjoon mumbles. “You have cuts on your wrist.” Jin says and a tear falls down his cheek. Namjoon wipes the tear off. “I’m sorry” he says. Jin runs out of the hospital room. “We are here for you, Hyung. We love you” Jimin says and holds namjoons hand even tighter. “I love you guys too” he replies. “I’m sorry.. I just couldn’t handle it.” Jimin gives him a kind and caring smile. 30 minutes later jungkook comes running in and hugs namjoon. His face is full of tears. “I- I’m sorry.” jungkook says. Namjoon shakes his head. “It isn’t your fault. Don’t be sorry” a couple minutes later the other members walk in. Jin is still crying but yoongi is trying to comfort him. Namjoon sits up straight. “Fuck” he mumbles as he feels a sharp pain in his ribs. “Be careful!” Taehyung says. “You broke most of your ribs. It’s a miracle you’re even alive.” He says with red eyes. He’s been crying too. “Did I really hurt them while trying to escape the pain?” Namjoon thinks. All his members are around him. “Yoongi..” he says and yoongi looks at him. “I’m sorry you saw me fall.” “Don’t be sorry. I know you wanted to escape the pain. It isn’t your fault.” Yoongi replies and gives a reassuring smile. Namjoon feels bad for hurting the members. All he wanted to do was escape it but all that happened was him hurting the members. “Go have some rest. You’re allowed to leave in two weeks. One of us will be by your side every day and night until you get out.” Jin says with a soft voice, trying not to cry again. Namjoon nods and lays down again, drifting off to sleep. 

Jin can’t hold his tears back and starts crying again. Jungkook and Taehyung follow him. Eyes blood shot red and tears falling down. “I-I didn’t know he felt like this.” Jin says and Yoongi tries his best to comforting him but tears also fall down his face. “You guys should get some rest. I’ll stay with him for the night.” Jimin says and hugs his members. They walk out and Jimin starts crying. “Why didn’t you tell us?” He asks sleeping Namjoon. “Why did you try to leave?” Jimin speaks softly so he won’t wake him up. After 2 hours of crying he falls asleep on the chair next to the hospital bed. 

At home the members can’t stop crying and blaming themselves. Suddenly Yoongi stands up and walks out of the house. Jungkook wants to follow but Hoseok holds him back. “He’s just going for a smoke.” He tells jungkook. 10 minutes later Yoongi returns with a shattered phone in his right hand and a pack of cigarettes in the left. “Who’s phone is that?” Taehyung asks. “Namjoons. He threw it before he... you know.” The screen isn’t fully shattered thankfully. Yoongi turns the screen on and unlocks the phone. They read the hate comments together. Yoongi gives the phone to Taehyung and grabs his own. He goes on the bts account and makes a thread to the people who wrote the hate comments. A thread as big as a book. He’s done with the hate. He’s done with people getting hate. At the end of the thread he says: “Love others like you would love yourself. Respect others like you would respect yourself.” He closes his phone and yawns. “I’m going to sleep. You guys should try and get some sleep too.” He walks up the stairs to his room. In the mirror he sees his messy hair and run out make up. He walks to the bathroom and washes the make up off. When he enters his room he takes off his clothes and lays under the blankets. He barely cried in front of the members, but now that he’s alone the tears can’t stop falling. 2 hours later and he fell asleep. He gets nightmare after nightmare about Namjoon falling off the roof. 

Yoongi wakes up around 10 and walks downstairs. He sees his members passed out on the couches and floor and smiles. He walks to the kitchen and grabs a bottle of soju. Without hesitation he chugs the bottle empty. He quickly eats something and heads to the hospital to take over Jimins shift.

Jimin hears the door of the hospital room open and sees Yoongi with a doctor enter the room. “I’m here to check on Namjoon.” The doctor says. “I’m here to take over you shift so you can have some sleep at home.” Yoongi says. Jimin waits till the doctor has checked Namjoon. “He’s recovering fast. It must be because of all you guys’ support.” Yoongi and Jimin smile. “Thats great to hear. Guess I’ll be going now.” Jimin says and walks out of the hospital room together with the doctor. 

Yoongi sits next to Namjoon and looks at him. He looks at Namjoon and a tear falls down his face. “Why didn’t you tell me.” He whispers. “You knew i suffered with depression. You know i come to you when i need someone. Why didn’t you come to me?” He wipes his tears away and grabs his phone to see all the messages on twitter. A lot of fans are angry at the people who send Namjoon hate. Theres also a lot of love and support from the fans wishing Namjoon would heal fast. He puts his earbuds in and listens to music to calm himself down before Namjoon wakes up. 

Jimin arrives at the dorm and sees all the members passed out in the living room. He smiles and walks to the kitchen to make them some food. About 25 minutes later he comes out of the kitchen with a big bowl of noodles. “Goodmorning!” Jimin says cheerfully while placing the bowl of noodles on the table. The members slowly get up except for Jin. He quickly gets up and falls off the couch. He grabs a pair of chopsticks and shoves noodles in his mouth. “Hows namjoon?” He asks Jimin with a mouth full of noodles. “The doctor said he’s healing quickly!” He replies with a smile on his face. “Thats amazing!” Jin says and continues eating. The others silently eat. Jimin grabs his phone and answers all the messages he got. “Hey guys I’m making a quick call. I’ll be right back.” He says and walks out to call back hitman hyung to explain what happened. “I’ll cancel the schedules you guys had. You guys should take a couple weeks off. I’m sorry that so much schedules in a month caused so much stress.” Hyung says. “It’s not your fault and I guess a couple weeks off would be great. We can have a moment to talk about whats troubling us and help each other.” Hyung agrees and hangs up the phone. “We’re having a couple weeks off so we can talk with each other whats troubling us and help each other.” Jimin says while walking back. Everyone nods. He quickly texts Yoongi so he knows about everything too. 

Yoongi hears his phone go off and looks. “We are having a couple weeks off so we can talk about whats troubling us and help each other ~ Jimin.” Namjoon, who woke up a couple minutes earlier looks at Yoongi, waiting for him to say what message he got. “Jimin said we have a couple weeks off to talk about whats troubling us and help each other.” Yoongi says and Namjoon nods. “Sounds like a smart plan.” 

A couple hours later the doctor comes walking into the room to check on namjoons injuries and change the bandages. “Everything seems to be healing quite nicely. You’re allowed to go home if you want, but we will have a nurse check up on you everyday. Maybe being at home with your friends will help the healing process.” Namjoon looks at the doctor dumbfounded. “Really? That would be amazing!” Namjoon says. “I will send a nurse to your room with a wheelchair. She will bring you to a bus so you guys can go home.” Namjoon and Yoongi nod and the doctor walks out. “Should I text the guys or should we surprise them?” “Surprise them!” Namjoon says excitingly. Yoongi smiles and a nurse walks in. “You ready to go home?” She asks and Namjoon nods. He gets into the wheelchair and they walk out of the hospital in to the bus. They arrive home and she helps Namjoon back into the wheelchair. “You guys can make it on your own?” She asks. “Yes, of course! Have a great day!” “You guys too! I’ll come check on you tomorrow!” She says and hops back into the bus. 


End file.
